Midnight Sun
by Edwardhowcouldu
Summary: I didn't like my old version of "My midnight Sun" so i restarted in hopes to improve my writing. it is Twilight in Edward's point of view. All characters and main ideas belong to Stephenie Meyer, author of the most amazing books ever. enjoy! review.
1. Preface

**chapter 1**

Preface

Everything stopped. it was still, silent. Panic surrounded the room, yet i focused on only one thing. I flashed back to 1918, when carlisle changed me, forward to the first day, when i first spoke, first kiss, they filled my vision and exploded my mind. All had seazed to matter, because this may be the last. Last day, last words, last touch. I knew it would end, but i never imagined it like this. No one did. If i could take it all back, for a different future, i would, so long as i had memories of something i thought i would never have. Love. The scream brought me back. Ripping through my heart, the gut wrenching cry of hurt and dispare. Everything was forgotten, my mind was on overdrive. As i watched, anger built up in me. Stronger than i have ever experienced. I stayed frozen at the door, my family behind me, waiting to attack. Emmett and Jasper were holding me back, because i had no control over my strength or emotions. The signal was given and i was the first one to start. I knew my job, though i struggled so hard to stay on track. And then i ran, faster than i had ever run, even 2 hours ago, when i wasn't entirely sure of what the future held. Little did i know then, my worst fears were not enough to prepare me for this. She lay there, defensless, innocent. A promise i had broken, lay less than 40 metres from me, so close but yet so far away, being tortured by the hunter himself. Last minute decision, his teeth sunk into the skin, and i snapped. Screw the plan..._ he's mine_.


	2. First Sight

**ALL IDEAS CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER! HER AMAZING WRITING INSPIRED ME AND ALOT OF OTHERS TO WRITE AND I AM GRATEFUL TO HER FOR IT!**

Chapter one

The definition of Monster is known to be "a person who excites horror by wickedness, cruelty, etc. A heartless creature human or animal". My life revolved around these 'creatures'. I was one. Not the ones you see in movies or books of science fiction. I am considered the most dangerous creature known to man. I was born in 1901. It is now 2006, ive been alive for 105 years. The catch? I'm in high school. I am forever seventeen years old. How? My family and I... are vampires.

I suppose we are not the worst thing out there. We don't feed on humans, the way of life my "father", Carlisle believed in when he started his second 'exsistence', and my siblings and I were trained to follow. We were happy not to have to feed on humans, after all, we were all humans once. It could be explained as some kind of vegetarianism, in a twisted way.

My nonexsistent life consisted of school and music, and it had since 1924. Drowning on day by day, never changing, never moving forward. My family moved to a small town in Washington State, Forks, about 2 years ago. It was the most convenient place for us to live, because it is under a near constant cover of clouds and rain. Being vampires, one rule is to be followed, a rule with great consequence. No one can know of our exsistence. We must stay out of the sun, for our skin shines through our sick penetrable skin, so alien like and impossible to hide from human eyes.

My family try to maintain what humanity we can preserve. We go to high school, for as long as the students don't sense our unnatural stone like qualities and our unchanging ages. We have become very good at keeping the secret. We move every 3 or 4 years to different places across the world so we dont run into any familiar faces.

We lived in Forks about 70 years ago. Before we moved, my sister, Alice had to make sure no one would remember us. Forks was probably my favorite place to live. It was rarely sunny, which meant that we didnt have to hide during the day. None of us enjoyed this life, i mean its not at all the ideal choice. We all wish, at one time or another, that we were human. Especially me.

I was alone. I had my family, but my family, well they had eachother. They all found their soulmates, and since i was second in the family, i had watched them all fall in love, deeper and deeper. Carlisle found Esme shortly after he found me. They fell in love almost instantly. My father brought Rosalie back, being found bleeding to death on the side of the road, and changed her next, she found Emmett. Alice and Jasper moved in. I'm still alone.

I mean its not like i want it, or am looking. I just know that well my family will always have someone, i have no one. I probably never will. Esme always trys to make me feel included, My brothers hunt with me, i never really fit in though. I had never been happy in this life, i was different from everyone in my family. But i loved my family, more than anything. The love i felt for them made me feel the closest to human as i could be. so i did have fun hunting with Emmett. He was too much like a big brother to me, not to, though i was 50 years older than him. I was content as i could be, and believed i ever would be, i was fine with it. I didn't need anyone but my family. I didn't deserve love anyway. I was a monster.

It was days like these that i wished it was different though, i think about my life and it seems so pointless. So meaningless. I found a beautiful secluded meadow in the woods a few miles away from Forks when we first moved here, way back then. Which is where i lay now.

It is half way through the second semester of school, the days seem longer now. Esme is thinking of remodeling the house. Emmett and Rosalie are planning their 5th honeymoon. Carlisle is the head surgeon at Forks Hospital.

Nobody knows about the meadow, aside from Alice. I've never told my family about it, Alice saw me finding it, but she respects that i want it to be mine. I always think here. About things that a block from my family. Things i miss, regrets. I came here today because it's my mothers birthday. My real mother, Elizabeth Mason. Ive been here since 4 o clock this morning, it is now 2 o clock in the afternoon.

As i stood up to go home, i stopped. Something felt different. Some unknown need to run north, appeared in my mind. It felt as if an unatural energy wire was pulling towards something. So i followed my instincts, I ran as if something was pulling me, in a crouched position as if i was hunting. As i reached the main road that runs to port angelas, i hid in the bushes and waited. For what? I didn't know. I stood there, crouched by the side if the forest, for an hour. No cars went by, no people were walking, it was completely silent. As i was about to leave, i heard a car come, and i ran into the bushes again. Someone would be suspicious if they saw me walk out of a secluded forest on the side of a highway, miles away from any stores or houses. I watched the police chief car drive by me. I watched it drive into Forks, out of sight, and the silence returned, so i left. I went back to my car, and drove home.

I drove up the winding road surrounded by pine trees, turned onto my gravel drive way and parked in the carport. The house was beautiful. It was large and white, with 4 floors and 3 balconys facing over the trees in sight of a shallow river near by. The exterior was covered in astonishing, pure glass windows. Esmes gardens surrounded the front door, the wooden steps leading to the front porch were painted light brown. It was magnificent, of course no one in my family was surprised when Esme showed us her additions, she was an amazing designer.

I walked in the door and hung up my coat. Esme welcomed me at the door.

" You're back" she wrapped her tiny arms around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. I knew Esme worried about me. Her mother instincts told her when i was having a hard time. She really was like a mother to me, she understood when i wanted to be alone, and when i needed someone to talk to. I gave her an awkward one armed hug and uncomfortably twisted out of her arms. I was never good with the physical hugging thing. I never had been. It was always uncomfortable for me. Back when i was born, people hugged only their spouses. Nobody hugged their neighbors, or their friends. Even their family. If you saw two people hugging they were in a serious relationship, which was all there was back then. There was no one night stands, or dates, or flings. If you were to meet with a woman, you planned to marry her.

" I'm going to my room." I spoke to her, but my family knew i was speaking to everyone. It was my way of saying that i wanted to be alone.

I walked up stairs to my room. I fell onto my black leather sofa and turned on the CD that was in my stereo. My room was my sanctuary, where i spent most of my time. The right side of the wall was all windows. The black wooden desk in the corner of the room held a laptop and a few books i have read thousands of times. Above the desk was a shelf. 11 maroon coloured journals sat upright, organised by years. The large bookshelf on the other side of my room held hundreds of CD's organised by genre and personal preference. A picture of my family hung beside it. It was a week after Jasper and Alice joined the family, we went into the forest behind our house to take a picture of everyone with the new additions. My closet was beside my door. The clock on my bedside table read 4 o clock in the morning. As i lay there, i started thinking about today.

Today was the first time Forks high school had changed since i can remember. A new girl was coming to school. The students were going crazy for her arrival. Forks High is the smallest high school my family has ever attended, with a frightening 357 students. I didn't understand what all the fuss was about, its not like she would be different than any of the other girls. She was number 358. Thats all. Of course the guys were preparing for their new girlfriend. The girls were preparing for a popularity boost, by befriending her. Modern day teenagers were selfish creatures. It was disgusting. And this girl would be no different. Just another mind, i don't want to hear.

The CD ended and quiet filled the room. It was nice. After a few minutes, i needed something to pass the time. I thought about that feeling i had earlier. In the forest. It confused me, i had never felt that before. I dont know what it was. Some kind of need. At the time, nothing else mattered. All i could feel or think about was the need to run north, i dont think anything could've stopped me while i was running. Yet when i got there, there was nothing, and the feeling was gone. It was then i realized that i wanted it back.

After pondering over that for an hour, i came to the conclusion that it was probably some animal id never smelt that my instincts were drawn to. It was the only thing that made sense. So i let it go.

I pulled myself out of bed at 6 o clock, and trudged down 3 flights of wide rounding stairs to the main floor living room. As i walked in, i listened for the rest of my family. Alice was getting dressed, mainly because it took her 1 hour to pick out 'the perfect' outfit, do her hair, even with her vampire speed. Make up was unnecessary. We were all inhumanly beautiful to humans, in order to lure them in. Rosalie was looking at herself in the mirror, again.

Emmett and Jasper were outside wrestling. It wasn't exactly fair but they both had advantages. Jasper was a highly skilled fighter. Emmett had unbelievable strength, even for a vampire. Jasper always won though, because Emmett may be strong but he had no fighting skill, always going the easy way, instead of planning. It was quite fun to watch, and i would've, but then Esme walked in.

"Good morning Esme" I greeted her politely as she entered the living room. She turned to look at me and smiled.

"Good morning Edward. How was your night?" she always asked this, and I always had the same answer.

"Quiet" she nodded and walked to the black, leather computer chair. Her designs were on the mahogany desk, organised by personal preference. Many of these, she used when we moved to new locations. She always had wonderful designs.

"What are you working on?" I asked. She didn't look up from her paper, when she answered.

"A cottage. I don't know when we'll use it. Probably when Rosalie and Emmett take their next honeymoon." They had had 11 already.

Just then, Alice came dancing down the stairs. We both turned to greet her. She said hello and looked at me sceptically.

"Edward, you are not wearing that today!" she whined seeing what shirt i had unconsciously planned to wear. " you wore that shirt on Thursday!"

I chuckled because she made it sound devastating.

_Don't you laugh at me Edward Cullen. I _can _destroy you. _she threatened in her mind.

I pressed my lips together teasingly. Alice was probably my favorite sibling. My best friend. We both had talents, that were secretive and hard to control. We respected each others privacy as much as possible and we always had someone to talk to that knew exactly why you were upset. It was nice to have, sometimes when you heard or saw something you didn't want to, or shouldn't have, or something that made you mad.

_Love you too, Edward._

I smiled at her. She grabbed my hand and dragged me to my room. After a half an hour of "how about this?" "Sure" "No it doesn't look right" "Okay" over and over and over, she picked out something and left so i could change. I had a shower and got dressed and walked downstairs.

"I'm leaving" I called through the house, though i could've whispered it. My siblings rode with me. My car was a little less ostentatious than the others. They, one by one, ran downstairs and into the car. I ran up to my room, grabbed my keys, and jumped out of the 3 story window, landing precisely on the top of the garage, making little sound, though my siblings could hear me clearly. I leaped down and slided into the drivers seat, reversed the car, and sped out our secluded house, on the way to Forks High. Our personal purgatory.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o ~O~ o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

As the school came into sight, my whole family sighed. We all hated pretending, but realized how necessary it was. I stopped the car at the entrance to let my siblings out. They dispersed while i parked in a space in front of the cafeteria, where i always did. I hopped out of the car and walked to building 4. There was still ten minutes before first period, so i walked to my locker. The halls were almost empty. I got my books for English out and waited for the bell to ring, there was nothing better to do.

As the hallways pooled with students, the thoughts of the new girl came rushing into my head.

_I have to get to her before Madeline. Popularity here i come. Maybe Mike will notice me if i hang out with her.(Jessica)_

_New girl wants me. I can tell. (Mike)_

_I'll show Mike. She already likes me. You could see her face light up when i offered to walk her to class. (Eric)_

As the bell rang, i walked into , my classroom and sat at my desk in the back of room. I sat alone in every class. None of the students ever chose to sit beside my family. There instincts told them not to. They saw our alien like qualities enough from a distance. in close proximity to us, they would be scared to death. Ironic huh?

Mr. Hylem tripped in the door, sweater vest and all, carrying the work for todays lesson. As soon as he walked in the door, the endless, mindless, chatter stopped, and everyone returned to their seats. He began automatically. After his lesson, he gave us questions to do, and an essay to write, giving us the rest of the period to work on them. I completed the essay and decided to do the questions at home. The teacher would get suspicious if i finished and essay and 13 questions in 15 minutes. When the bell rang, everyone rose out of their seats and hurried to period two.

Alice was in my period two Spanish class. We sat together at the back of the room, and talked quietly the whole time. We were fluent in Spanish so we didn't even pretend to pay attention anymore, if they called on one of us, i could read his mind and Alice could look in the future for the answer. We had gotten pretty good at it, though the teacher was always determined to catch us off guard. She never did. Spanish always went by faster than any of my other classes, because i always had Alice to talk to.

"Hear anything about the new girl?" she whispered, staring at the blank piece of paper in front of her.

"Yah, she moved here from Phoenix. I haven't seen her yet. Haven't been looking, i guess. The petty thoughts of every male in the school is starting to get to me though" I grimaced. She laughed, and i hit her with my elbow. Soon enough, the class was over.

I went to my third period Government in building 2, after stopping at my locker. A faint scent filled the hallways, a very appealing scent but it was so faint i couldn't detect it very well. My family hadn't been hunting in weeks. We usually didn't go this long without feeding. It wasn't unbearable, just a little uncomfortable at times. My Government class, felt years long. The teacher had a very boring, nasally voice. She talked extremely slow and frequently. I half listened through the class and then left to meet my family. I followed them in and sat down at our usually table in the cafeteria.

We were always one of the first people in the cafeteria because we finished our work early and left before class was over. The worst thing about high school was the food. I'm sure it wasn't bad, to humans. But any food was utterly disgusting to vampires. Reluctantly, we stood up and got in line. It was part of the charade. We grabbed a tray and walked back to our table in silence. Our food always remained uneaten, and i'm sure many noticed, but none of us had the urge to eat and then regurgitate it later. Not only is it disgusting, but our bodies will not digest it, so some how we have to get it out of our system or wait until the venom burns it away, a very, extremely painful process.

After a few minutes, the large cafeteria was filled with humans.

"Eddie! has the new girl noticed us yet?" Emmett asked, interested to see what they would say about us this time. I kicked him under the table.

"Don't call me Eddie!" I hissed. He rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to answer his question. I looked through the minds of the student quickly, trying to find her. I couldn't. i looked down at my plate.

"Not that i know of. She must not be in here yet" I told him.

"I don't get why everyones so interested in her. It's not like she's anything different." Rosalie said. Alice scolded her.

"Rosalie, you never know. She could be different" Alice looked at me quickly, and went back to picking at her bagel. Why'd she look at _me_? I dont know her. I searched her mind for something, but all i could here was lyrics. she was singing to block me out. I nudged her under the table. She giggled quietly in her mind, and shook her head. She wasn't going to tell me.

Through the whole conversation, nobody would notice we were actually talking to each other. We all kept our eyes on our food, or the wall. Our mouths barely moved when we talked, nobody would notice.

_Ha! She's still staring at the Cullens. Good luck. If they don't want me, you got no chance Bella._

I heard Jessica Stanley's inner voice coming from the other side of the cafeteria. I turned at our last name, to see Jessica, Mike and A girl i hadn't seen before. This must be the new girl. She was facing away from me now, talking to Jessica. I watched her, for some reason, wanting to see her face. I looked back at my family. Alice was watching me intently, still singing in her head. It drove me insane, to know she was hiding something from me. She never hid anything from me because she knew we could tell each other anything.

_"Thats Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him."_

I heard Jessica say my name turned back toward the table where the new girl sat. My eyes instantly met with brown ones. Deep pools of chocolate brown flooding my mind as I saw her. Her eyes were beautiful. Her hair was magnificent auburn, brown, that twirled around her neck and ran to the middle of her back. She looked down as quickly as i had looked up, and the eyes were gone. I wanted more than anything for her to look up again. The electric shock i felt when our eyes met was unnatural.

"Did you feel that?" I asked my family, doubting that it really was from the girl on the other end of the cafeteria. They just looked at me confused. Guess not.

I was brought out of my trance when Alice giggled.

When i was safely brought back into reality, i realized how ridiculous i was. I didn't think her eyes were beautiful. They weren't the most wonderful huge, depth full eyes i had ever seen. Not at all. I looked at Alice and rolled my eyes.

_Edward's got a crush._

I looked at her incredulously,and raised my eyebrow. She didn't actually think i liked a human. Sure i might have thought she was the slightest bit beautiful, when i first saw her. But i was completely incoherent then. The teenage minds were just getting to me. That was it. Alice had to know that. She is like any other teenager. Selfish and disrespectful. I should just forget about her. Yah i'll just forget about it. I looked back down at my lump of squishy green stuff, that i think, might be vegetables, and grimaced. Alice stared at me the rest of lunch, expectantly.

The bell rang for 4 period. I stood up and turned to dump my tray out. I watched the new girl walk out the cafeteria. Well, trip out of the cafeteria, on what it looks like was her own feet. The thought made me laugh. Emmett looked at my curiously. I suppose i didn't laugh very often, which made me wonder why i had laughed just now. I just thought it was so endearing how she tripped over her own feet. I shook my mind clear, and mentally hit myself. What was wrong with me today?

Instead of answering that question, I left the cafeteria to go to biology class. It was in building three on the other side of the school, i ran vampire speed to the emergency exit doors behind the building, so no one would see me, and slid into my seat. Tugging my books out of my bag and setting them on the corner of the desk, i took out the homework from last night. It wasn't due until Thursday, but i finished last night, since i didn't have to do the whole sleeping thing. Everyone was in their seats, when someone else entered the room. i looked up curiously to see who it was. The new girl hesitantly walked in the class and gave a tiny pink slip to the teacher. He signed the sheet of paper and told her to take a seat. i looked around to realize the seat beside me was the only one available.

In one second, everything slowed down, and i watched it unravel into a terrifying horror scene right before my eyes. The girl mistakenly walked past the fan to get to my seat, and i breathed in. Wrong choice. It was terribly, horrifyingly, desperately the most awfully delicious scent that had ever hit me. And i wanted it. So bad. My eyes turned coal black, and i started hissing menacingly and panting. I was an animal. Edward Cullen was gone. I was a vampire. And i wanted her. Nothing could stop me. My throat was burning and the aching ball inside my stomach was urging me to grab her and sink my teeth into her lusciously translucent neck, while the delicious warm blood flowed down my throat. I would drink it slowly to savor the taste. It would be wonderful, and it would happen. She was still walking towards my desk when i began to plan.

All i had to do was start at the back of the class. That way no one would notice when i ripped the students heads off. I wouldn't waste my time drinking their blood when there was one so much more appealing right next to me. God it was killing me. I licked my lips and brought my lips over my teeth, to hiss at her. She didn't notice.

Suddenly Carlisle's voice came into my head. He was scolding me for killing chief Swan's daughter, Esme was crying in the corner of the room, staring at me with fear in her eyes. The image distracted me from the devil girl that just sat down beside me. What was i doing? I couldn't kill her. I couldn't kill the whole class, just for one girl. I hadn't killed a human in 60 years and i didn't want to start again. I didn't want to feel like a monster again.

If i planned carefully enough. I wouldn't have to hurt anyone in the class. In order to keep myself far enough away from her, in order to not kill her right now, i instantly stopped breathing and shifted my seat as far from her as possible. I didn't help, at all. The scent still scourged through my throat and growled through my body with need. But i needed to control myself, if i killed her now, i would either expose my family and not only kill the whole class, but kill myself and my family also. If i waited until the end of class, i could just ask to talk to her, lead her into the woods and bury her bottom in the bottom of the river. We would be safe, no one would die and we wouldn't have to move again.

What would i say? I started playing and replaying the conversation in my head, what i would say her responses. It would play out perfectly, and i would get her. My fist clenched just thinking about how good she would taste. It stayed clench through the whole class, as i glared at her. She stared back terrified, and the monster in my chuckled evilly. I liked fear, she should be scared.

The bell rang, and Edward Cullen was back instantly. I stopped all my plans and ran out of the room before i changed my mind. I couldn't kill her. i wouldn't kill her. I would not kill her. i would not kill her. i kept chanting in my head as i ran through the parking lot, probably going way too fast but not caring. i would not be responsible for another death. I had never killed an innocent soul. And i was not going to today. That's why i had to leave. I had to go far far away. I couldn't deal with my family, i couldn't watch Esme's face as i left. I was going to tell Carlisle i was leaving and then i would drive. Probably to Alaska for a few years, until she graduated and then i would move back in with my family. I didn't want to leave my family though. i loved them, it was the only place i felt close to home. i wouldn't a mother or father, or a sister. I didn't want to leave Alice. What would i do with out my annoying wonderful pixie sister?

There had to be a way i could just avoid that girl, that was sent to destroy my life and assault me with her mouthwatering scent. I sat in my car and smashed the steering wheel with my head, grabbing my hair in my stone cold hands, willing myself to have enough strength to leave the car and not go straight for _her_. I got out of the car and ran into the guidance office. The last bell had just rung and people were rushing out of their classes anxious to leave. I had to make it quick, i don't know if i could control myself if i smelt her again. it would be too hard.

After i almost begged Ms. Cope to change my class, she said it was absoloutly impossible. i would've argued that fact if, at that moment, the door swung open and a gust of wind blew the scent into my nostrils. She was close, right behind me. So easily dealt with. Two people. Not a classroom of kids. Just two people. One person stood in the way of my prey and she could be gone in a matter of seconds. I began to crouch, and pulled my lips over my teeth

_Edward get out of there right now!_

Alice yelled in my head. I knew she was right. i wasn't in control, and i knew deep down that i did not want to do this.

"Never mind then" i said turning back to Ms. Cope, using the last breath i had. I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help" i rushed through the words, begging for fresh air. I silently thanked Alice, knowing she would see it and realize that i had to leave now before... something happened.

I sped down the road towards the hospital. I pulled into the parking lot of the Hospital and ran to my fathers office on the 4th floor of the hospital. I burst in the door.

"I'm leaving. I have to, i was going to kill her and i still want to. So i need to leave right now. Nothing you can say can stop me. She smelt amazing, i was going to kill her, and i cant go back to the monster i was before. i have to leave and i need your car because mines low on gas and i'm going to Alaska, and if i stop for gas, i will turn around and come back, and that girl will have no chance at a normal human life"

, I finished my speech and looked at carlsiles shocked face. He didn't say anything. He just threw me the keys to his car and sent me off with a look of understanding. I was so grateful to my father. He knew what I needed and understood it even if he didn't agree with it. I sped down the stairs and jumped in my fathers car. Smashed the keys in the ignition, and reversed out of the lot. I was on my way to alaska. Hundreds of miles away from my family, but hundreds of miles away from the new girl at forks high, who is and will stay, healthy and alive, as long as I stay away from her. Who would've thought it wouldn't be that easy.

**Just to let you know. I will not be updating very often, i have school and training and homework. I write everyday, but chapters wont be updated every week. Please Review.**


	3. Fascination?

Chapter 2

"Are you sure you're alright" Irina asked for the 5th time. I had been in Alaska since Monday. It was Wednesday now, and i hadn't done much here. I had too much to think about. The Denali's greeted me at the door and gave me a guest bedroom to stay in, which is where i have been this whole time. I lay in the bed, thinking. What was i thinking about? I was thinking about why the heck, every time i closed my eyes, all i could see was these huge brown beautiful eyes. I couldn't stop thinking about them. When i realized this was happening, i decided to just stop blinking, and the image would go away. That didn't work. After 2 hours, i missed seeing them. It was like i was attached to them.

Which brings us to what i am currently doing. Sitting on the couch of the 2nd floor family room, eyes closed. I'd been in this position for a few hours now, and Irina and the rest of her family thinks i have lost my mind. Though, i can't really be upset about it, i'm starting to agree with them. I was going crazy, and i needed to stop. I opened my eyes and looked around. Irina was sitting in front of me with a strange look on her face.

"yes i'm fine. I think i'll go for a walk though. I need to clear my head." I told her, standing up and jumping off the balcony. I walk was what i needed. I just needed to stop thinking about her, that's all. I mean the only reason i was even thinking about her was because of her scent right? So all i had to do was distract myself. So i went hunting. That would distract me. I would stop thinking about her scent, therefore, stop thinking about her eyes.

I ran into the woods and took down the first thing i could find, and then drank. I found a herd of deer and drank some more. I drank and drank and drank. i hunted for 2 days. I had drunken so much i felt sick. I had to trudge out of the forest because my stomach felt so disgustingly full, it was sickening. I couldn't even think about drinking anymore. It was wonderful. It meant that i can go home. If i do this everyday, i can go home to my family. The feeling is disgusting, my family means everything to me. They're all i have, and i miss them so much.

The decision was made. I walked the 5 miles back to their house still not feeling the greatest, but it took forever. This must be what it feels like to humans. As the yard came in sight, i took in their house. Esme had designed this house too. The 5 story house was all wood. It looked ancient, but a beautiful type of ancient. The ones you see in movies with vines growing around them. There was one large balcony facing out the front. The house was magical, and as much as i loved staying here, i wanted to be with my family. I walked in the door and went to tell everybody i was leaving. Everybody was already at the door when i walked in. Alice must've seen it and called them.

"Alice called" Kate said. Kate was probably my favorite of the sisters. She was very wise and mature like Carlisle. She understood that i wanted to be alone, and that i was dealing with something.

"Thank you so much, for letting me stay here. I really needed to get away from Forks for a few days, and you guys really helped me. But i have to go home to my family. I really need them with me right now." I told them. They all nodded in understanding. And i thanked them again. I grabbed my belongings and headed out for the car. It was a long drive back to Forks, and nothing to distract myself. So i thought about everything but _her_. I thought about Carlisle, his life story. He has told me it many times before. But I always found it so interesting. Everything he went through. he's been alive for over 300 years, he was alive 200 years before i was, it amazes me. He's seen so much. To think iv'e been asking questions for the last 80 years and i still can think of so many more i need to ask.

Driving over the bridge, in sight of the Forks sign, i felt my lips curve into a smile. I never realized how much i loved this place. It's like home to me. I sped up when i saw the road leading to my house. Alice knew i was coming home. So i knew she would be waiting for me. I turned the corner off my winding driveway and parked in my space in the garage, and jumped out of the car. Alice was waiting for me on the front porch, as i expected. I walked up and hugged her. I still felt uncomfortable hugging people but, i missed her too much not to show her in some way. She jumped up and hugged me.

_I missed you big brother. Oh and by the way, your welcome for telling everybody what happened. You do know i had to watch Esme's face when i said you were gone._

When i heard that, i hugged her tighter in appreciation. I did feel horrible about leaving her with that responsibility, but i just couldn't tell them at the time. I needed to go before i changed my mind and went after_ her_. I loosened my grip and untwisted my arms from around her tiny waist, and walked inside, preparing for the question that were most certainly going to hit me on the other side of the door.

Esme ran up and stopped in front of me, putting her arm on my shoulder, respecting how uncomfortable i was with close contact. She looked like she would be crying if it wasn't physically impossible for our kind. She really did see us as her children. I knew she'd be worried sick when i left. I felt so horrible for leaving her like that.

"I'm really sorry, mom. I shouldn't have left like that, but i just _couldn't_ kill that girl." I knew the 'mom' would soften the blow a little.

I tried to make her understand. If i could've stayed, i would've in a heartbeat, but there was no other choice for me. I was already dreading going back to school. But this insignificant human could not ruin my life. She's already drove me away from my family. She's not going to take over my life. She has nothing against me. I'm a vampire for crying out loud! I shouldn't fear her, she should fear me. Although, she probably does with the looks i gave her on Monday. I was nothing but infuriating with her. She somehow, with her appealing scent, drove me away from the place i wanted to be. But she wouldn't do it again. I was NOT weak. She was just a girl. So her scent was a little more appealing than others, i could get over it. I just wouldn't breathe, no big deal. I would hunt tonight, and be perfectly fine tomorrow, when i had to face her again.

"Just don't do it again, sweetheart. You had me worried sick" she said, a frown on her angelic face, it was heart breaking to see my mother this way. I looked at her, realizing what she needed, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I wrapped my arms around her. Her face lit up and she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder. I smiled, knowing this made her very happy. Unlike me she loved hugging and showing affection to her children. She wanted everyone to know that she accepted them. She was so thoughtful, excepting everyone for who they are.

"Well i'm sure Alice told you the story, but i want to go back to school" Esme gave me a disapproving look. "Just let me finish. I'm positive that i wont endanger our family. I won't hurt the girl, i'm going to hunt tonight, and i'm sure that the only reason i felt her scent was so strong was because she was so close to me and i hadn't hunted in a while. I won't hurt her, and i'll hold my breath the whole time. I would not do this if it would in any way hurt this family. I love all of you" I told them, with confidence.

Esme had a smile on her face. Carlisle was disbelieving. Alice had some knowing look on her face, but i'd ask her about that later. Emmett didn't know what to think, he wasn't the brightest. Jasper was looking at me with caution. He loved Alice more than anything, and he just wanted to protect her. I thought that was beautiful. Before Alice, Jasper had such a different lifestyle. Alice changed him drastically, in the best way possible. That's why i had so much respect for him. He was so amazing to me. To go from his life to this life, all for Alice. They were both very lucky to have found each other. I felt a hole in the pit of my stomach. it only lasted for a few seconds, but it was so powerful.

I had that feeling again that night, when i got up in the morning, i felt it again. It bugged me, but i had more important issues. Today i would have to face the girl again. Not only that, but hope that she didn't tell anyone about my strange behavior last Monday, it would raise too many suspicions. I couldn't let this girl have anything against me, that would only give me another reason to kill her. I would talk to her enough to show her that i am a normal human being, and then i would ignore her, like i do to everyone else. She was no different. I looked at the clock on my bedside table. It was time.

I took a huge breath, trying to find the courage i had last night that had long gone away over night, and stood up, running to my closet to get dressed. I picked out a plain light blue short sleeve shirt that Alice had got me for a Christmas present last year. I threw on a new pair of dark blue jeans and socks, met my mother at the bottom of the stairs and said good morning.

"Are you sure you'll be okay today Edward. You know, you don't have to do this." She told me, worrying like mothers do. I looked at her smiling.

"I'll be fine, mom. I hunted last night, i will be fine, and she will be fine and life will go back to the way it was." I said with confidence.

Esme looked at me and nodded. I knew it wasn't that she didn't trust me, she just didn't want me to hurt like that, and i loved her for it.

"Goodbye, Esme. Don't worry about me, alright?" I told her. She nodded.

"Goodbye sweetie" she waved at me out the door. I grabbed my back pack, and called to my siblings. They rushed downstairs and into the Volvo in a matter of seconds. I took another deep breath, preparing for the day ahead. I jumped into the car, and drove out of the forest surrounding our house, telling myself, that when i returned, everything would be the same.

"Alice, you're sure nothing will happen?" I asked her for the fourth time, walking towards the cafeteria. She rolled her eyes.

"Iv'e told you six times. The future is unclear, it's up to you, how determined you are. But i will tell you, the glimpses i have gotten, you have definitely not killed her." she looked at me and raised her eyebrow, for some reason, and gave me a knowing look. The bell rang before i could ask her what it was about, and she had blocked her mind, a long time ago.

My first period class went by, extremely slow. I had heard the lecture so many times, because the teacher repeats it every year of high school. I realized half way through the class that i was actually mouthing the words along with him. When someone noticed, my mouth matched the words he was saying, i had to stop immediately. You'd think after 2 years of being here that people would stop watching you every second of every day. Well everyone but Jessica Stanley. Her thoughts revolved only around me. I mean, she had asked me out enough times. I had to admit, i was mind boggled by her courage to approach me. Most people come within 2 meters of us, and then run away, or pretend they were headed somewhere else.

I had English literature 2nd period and gym third. Emmett and I always hated gym class. We both enjoyed running but it was torture running at the agonizingly slow human pace. We were always faster than anyone else in the class, but we were constantly watching to make sure we weren't moving unnaturally fast. The only times we really HAD to be careful, is when we got a little competitive. I would hear when the gym teacher or one of the students noticed and excuse Emmett and i from class, to avoid questions. it didn't seem to long until the lunch bell rang. Emmett and I met up with Rosalie and walked into the cafeteria. Alice and Jasper had already gathered some wretched food to stare at on their trays.

I sat there feeling nervous, waiting for her to walk into the cafeteria. Every nerve in my body was on edge, waiting for the scent to hit me, i knew i probably wouldn't be able to detect it over the hundreds of students between us. I was just trying to be as prepared as possible, hoping it would somehow help, even if in the slightest.

_Calm down! You're overreacting!_

I turned to look at Alice's trusting face. She had confidence in me, even if i didn't have confidence in myself, and i loved her for it. I mouthed 'thank you' to her. She nodded, knowing exactly why i was thanking her.

In that moment, i unconsciously turned toward the cafeteria doors, somehow sensing her gaze. She was looking down, rather flushed.

"Aren't you hungry" Mike Newton asked, following her around like a puppy dog seemed to be his new job. Bella looked at him and looked down again.

"Actually i feel a little sick" she told him. My breath stopped at her voice. i had never heard it before, and it fit her perfectly. It was soft and beautiful, but wise at the same time. Listening to it made me smile. A genuine smile, for the first time in what felt like forever.

_Edward's smiling! _Emmett thought as he nudged Jasper, but i was barely paying attention, not totally aware that i was replaying her voice in my head. A snowball on the side of my face, knocked me back to the present.

I glared at Emmett and used the snowball i had kept in my cold hands, and threw it at his face. He growled under his breath, and i started laughing. Everybody at the table looked at me and laughed too. I have no idea why i felt so happy today, i wasn't even trying to be. Emmett shook his hair all over Rosalie before she saw it coming. Alice saw what i planned to do and handed me a snowball under the table. I smashed it on Jasper's head. Emmett gave me a high five. No one noticed our little snow contest. We now all looked like we had just come in from a snowball fight.

I looked around my table at the only people in my life, my family. They were all laughing together, like humans. It felt really nice, to be normal in front of people. Even though no one really payed attention to us.

"Bella, what are you staring at?" Jessica's voice said from the other side of the cafeteria. My eyes flashed up to meet hers. Luckily her head dropped before i could get distracted again. I didn't want my family to think i had some kind of fascination towards her. The only reason i kept watching her was because i had not heard her inner voice yet. I suppose i hadn't really tried. I reached my mind out towards her trying to hear, at least a whisper of her thoughts, but nothing came out. I knew she was thinking something. I could see it in the brief second our eyes met. My eyebrows pulled together in concentration. Was something wrong with my ability. Like a hole in my gift, a catch. i'd never met anyone that i couldn't read. Whenever i tried, it felt like i just bounced back. It felt like some kind of shield was protecting her, but that would be quite impossible for a human. Her voice broke through my musings.

"I don't think he likes me" She told Jessica, still staring at her table. I watched her put her head on her arm.

Her thought unsettled me. She didn't think i liked her? I mean i could see where she would get that, i was extremely hostile towards her last time she saw me, but it sounded like she was blaming herself. I mean, it was my fault. It's not like she was trying to smell so appetizing, she wasn't attracted to danger. Wrong place, wrong time, that's all there was to it.

She didn't look at our table for the rest of the lunch hour, and i kept my eyes off hers, trying to act like nothing had happened. The worst part was, Alice was hiding something from me, and something big, and life altering, because she had been have multiple visions lately, of the future changing. I didn't catch any of them, she blocked her mind to fast for me to see it. It bothered me, more than i'd like to admit.

Soon enough, lunch period was over, and it just brought me that much closer to biology, when i would torture myself with her scent. I remembered exactly how bad it was, torturing. I know i told my family i would be fine, but the closer it came to 4th period biology, the more vivid the memories got. My throat was aching from the thought of it. This would not be a very good day, i could feel it. I sat outside for a few minutes, trying to think of strategies. How to distract myself from her scent. How to make her forget about the hostility i gave her last Monday. When i thought i was as ready as possible, i pulled myself up off the now melted snow, and walked to period four biology.

When i entered the classroom, she was already there, at the back, where i sat, staring and doodling on her notebook. I took a deep breath to last me through the class, hopefully. Walking to the back of the classroom, i saw Mike Newton, staring intently at the side of her face. One week and he's already obsessed with the new girl. Pitiful! I sat down, moving my chair to the edge of the table hoping she would just think i was pulling out my chair. She didn't show any regard that i had sat down, though the pattern on her notebook shifted slightly. I turned so i facing toward her, and put my most normal smile on, the fake one i used when Esme asked if i was alright. Bella kept her head down, and her eyes on the paper infront of her. I remembered what i heard at lunch today.

_I don't think he likes me._

I suppose i would have to start the conversation. She thought i hated her, and i would change that.

"Hello" I began. She looked up, shocked that i was speaking to her. I continued. "My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week" i was too busy strategizing how to kill you. Yah, that wouldn't scare her at all. "You must be Bella Swan" There, human, normal, conversation. The only problem with this normal, human conversation, was that i could feel the heat from her start to hit me, i could hear her blood pumping through her veins.

"H-How did you know my name" She stuttered. What a strange question. Everybody knew her name, she had been talked about for weeks before her arrival.

"Oh, i think everybody knows your name. The whole towns been waiting for you to arrive" I stopped explaining when i saw her grimaced. Her face became distressed when i mentioned that everybody knew of her. Another strange reaction, most teenagers would be thrilled with the attention. People love being the centre of attention.

"No" she began. "I meant why did you call me Bella?" she asked. I called her Bella because every one who called her Isabella, she had corrected. But maybe i was different, only her close friends got to call her Bella.

"No. I like Bella. But i think Charlie- i mean my dad- must call me Isabella behind my back- thats what everyone here seems to know me as" the look on her face, made it seem like she was trying to talk, and understand what she was saying at the same time. Another thing that struck me was that she referred to her father as "Charlie". Then it hit me. I realized my mistake.

"Oh" the only thing i could think of saying.

So it wasn't that, only her friends were allowed to call her Bella. Everyone who could not read minds only knew her as Isabella, and since i had never spoken to her, i should have addressed her the same way. A huge mistake on my part. It's reasons like this why we do not converse with humans, the closer they get, the more they find out. It was my responsibility to my family, to ensure them that she had no reason to believe that we were different, or that any of us disliked her, but i also knew i was running out of scent free air.

Mr. Banner began explaining the assignment for today and luckily, i had done it plenty of times, so i could focus on keeping control of my thirst. Mr. Banner stared at me hoping, once again, to see some confusion or distress on my face, because he hadn't taught much on mitosis, and he hated when i knew more than him. It made me laugh.

I was still smiling when i turned back towards Bella.

"Ladies first" I told her, following the genuine courtesy my mother had taught me back in the early 1900's. Bella, looked at me, seeming unsure of what to say. It was like she was struck. her mouth was slightly open as if to say something. Maybe she was empty headed like most of the other students in this class. It definitely wouldn't surprise me. i decided i would help her out.

"Or i could start, if you wish" i offered. She seemed to snap out of whatever trance she was in. she flushed, her face and neck turning beat red, embarrassed.

"No. I'll go ahead" She told me. She grabbed the microscope and slid the first slide in. After glancing at it, for no longer than a few seconds, she declared it Prophase. She was quite fast for a human, so definitely not empty headed. I still needed to be sure, i wasn't going to let one mistake give Mr. Banner any reason to think i wasn't as smart as i was. Pety, I know, but i loved seeing the look on his face.

"Do you mind if i look" i asked her before she could remove the slide. I reached my hand out to stop her. As my hand landed on her, two things completely out of the ordinary but amazingly pleasant happened. Her hand, so warm, heated my whole body in a way i thought impossible with my stone cold state. The most shocking thing though, was not the warmth, but the feeling when my hand touched hers. Suddenly i could picture i wire appearing, like some kind of electrical current flowing through us. It was nice, but the hole in my stomach from last night grew larger and more painful, some weird reaction that actually made me wince.

She jerked her hand away, quickly after our skin touched, but i could still feel the wire between us. She looked at me shocked. I realized she was probably disgusted with my cold skin. I looked down ashamed for a second, feeling accused, and mumbled an apology. Little did she know how much that apology held. I was sorry for everything. For ruining her first day of school, for scaring her, for my need to kill her. i was sorry she had been in the wrong place at the wrong time, to so unfortunately be the most appealing person to a vampire. It was the worst thing that could've happened when she moved here.I placed my hand on the microscope and checked the slide. She was correct.

" Prophase" I confirmed. I wrote it down on the handout sheet quickly and switched the slides and glanced at it, determining it was Anaphase. I was confident, it didn't take me longer than milliseconds. She looked at me, almost nervous.

"May I?" she asked me so she could check the slide, as if i would be wrong. I smirked and pushed the microscope towards her, she took the microscope and looked at it almost eagerly. She looked disappointed when she realized i was right. She didn't say anything but holding out her hand for slide three. I placed it in her hand, being careful not to disturb her with my cold skin.

"Interface" she told me, while i wrote it down. It took us a lot less time than the other students so we were quiet for a while. While we sat i tried to break through her protecting mind once again, still wondering why she was the only one i couldn't read. It frustrated me more than i thought it would. In that moment i realized just how much i depended on my mind reading ability. It was so supernatural that i shouldn't use it as much as i do, and it has become a part of me now, something i swore would never happen. I felt it shred the last peice of humanity i had thought to have.

But i still tried, curiously, determined to hear something. Her eyes met mine, curious as to why i was staring so intently at her. She seemed confused herself for some reason. After a few minutes i saw her eyes flash, as if a light bulb had gone off in her head.

"Did you get contacts?" she blurted out, rushing through the words. My face was confused when i heard the questions. I had perfect eyesight, more than perfect, inhumanly excellent eyesight. What might make this strangely interesting girl think i would require contacts.

"No?" i answered, still confused. She looked at the table and mumbled.

"Oh, i thought there was something different about your eyes." she pondered almost to herself. At that moment, i was aware of how very perceptive this girl was. She was the first human i had talked to for more than ten seconds, i had no reason to. It was dangerous, the more she found out, the more danger she was in. I looked down quickly, avoiding her gaze, and shrugged trying to look nonchalant. To think if i had known why she was asking before she had explained, i could've said yes and avoided it. And how would i know, i would've read her mind, another reason why her silent mind angered me.

At that moment i forgot why i was holding my breath, i was so frustrated, i sighed, and her scent hit me head on and rushed up my nose. The hunting barely helped at all, not enough to calm the monster in me when it reared it ugly head and clawed up my burning throat, hoping to taste the scent it so badly wanted. And believe me i wanted him to win, but i knew i couldn't let him. My fists clenched under the table as i took all of my concentration to beat down the monster and hold my breath once again. I could not let myself slip, not once more. Mr. Banner walked over,curious to see why we weren't working. Bella looked up as he approached our table. He looked over my shoulder to check my answers.

_Couldn't even give the new girl a chance to learn something huh cullen?_

_"S_o Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" he asked me, an accusing edge to his voice. I saw Bella wince as he referred to her as Isabella, and for some reason, all i could think of was her being uncomfortable.

"Bella i corrected before i knew what i was saying, but i quickly caught myself. "Actually she identified three of the five" I told him. Mr. Banner was shocked, and dissapointed.

_Sure put the two smartest students as partners, now i'll never get him._

He looked at Bella.

"Have you done this lab before?" he questioned her. Her answer was another i did not expect. I actually found it kind of nice. I never expected her answers. She interested me in some way because, though she probably was, at the time, she seemed so different than other teenagers. She told him the truth.

"Not with an onion root" she told him. Most teenagers would lie and say 'no' to increase their grade, she was different. He suggested the Whitefish Blastula Lab, that was in the advanced placement class.

"Yeah" This girl was smart for her age. An advanced placement class in her grade would be over a 97 average. He mumbled sarcastically.

"I guess it's a good thing you two are lab partners. I just hope you're not as bad as Cullen"

I chuckled under my breath at his accusation.

Mr. Banner sighed and walked back to his desk. I saw Bella begin doodling on her notebook again. I didn't blame her for her reluctance to talk to me. in the one day we had class together i didn't really give her any reason to, but i needed her to know i didn't hate her. I don't exactly understand why it bugs me so much, but it does. I started talking again, on the only subject i heard in every teenage mind since the end of lunch. Rain had come down an drained away all of the snow from overnight. Everyone was dissapointed, i figured she would be too.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" i began, trying too hard to sound nonchalant, i think she saw through me, when i saw a suspicious look flash quickly on her face, but she answered.

"Not really" she said honestly. I remembered some of her background story. People around the school had been thinking about, i guess i didn't really pay attention. She used to like in Phoenix with her mother, one of the driest, sunniest place i know, the complete opposite of Forks. So why did she come here. Was she really sent here just to ruin my life, because she certainly wasn't making it any easier.

"You don't like the cold" I stated. I already knew the answer. She wasn't used to anything in Forks. The weather, the snow. I wouldn't be surprised if it was her first time seeing snow. She looked up at me.

"Or the wet" she added. I nodded, keeping a mental note in my head. with her silent mind, i could find enough information to accurately guess what she was thinking based on the emotions showed on her face. I kept thinking how hard it would be for her to move here. What could possibly have driven here, when she lived in such a warm climate. Why would she move to the rainy town of Forks, Washington, to live with her father. What she said next fascinated me.

"You have no idea" she muttered, almost to herself. There was a sad edge to her voice. I realized that i was worried for this girl. She had obviously been through a lot, no one as beautiful, smart and kind as her should have to go through anything like that. I could tell it hurt her, no matter how much she tried to cover it up, i could see it in those eyes.

One question irked me though. If she didn't want to be here, and she didn't have to be here, then why did she come here. To torcher me with her scent. To put her in unmistakable danger, no one deserves that, so why was she here. The question slipped out of my mouth before i could stop it.

"Why did you come here, then?" I asked her. It even sounded rude to me. She looked taken back by my tone of voice, but a edge of sadness colored her face, and i instantly felt bad.

"Its... complicated." she told me, sort of reluctant. Bella drove me crazy! Why couldn't she just say an answer, instead of just throwing confusing words out. It irked me how much i wanted to get into this girls head. Everything she said took my off guard, like she knew exactly what i wanted to hear, and said something completely different just to bug me. The strange thing was. I liked it, it was refreshing to not know exactly what someone was thinking. To have to guess. She was too interesting, to not ask questions to. I wanted to know everything in her mind, and maybe understand her a little better. I don't know why i was so intriguing by her, but she was so mature for her age. She was not like any of the other teenagers from what I've heard her say. She was different, but i didn't want to think to soon. Maybe she was just like any other teenager. i just couldn't picture her like Jessica or Lauren, gossiping and wearing high heels. It seemed so un-Bella. i couldn't really judge that though, i knew nothing about her.

"I think i can keep up" I urged her, hoping for an answer this time. I wanted to know why she came here, i wanted to know why she looked so sad before. I wanted to know why she was so interesting. I didn't know why, but i felt i needed to.


	4. Happiness and Uncertainty

Chapter 3

_"I think i can keep up" I urged her, hoping for an answer this time. I wanted to know why she came here, i wanted to know why she looked so sad before. I wanted to know why she was so interesting. I wanted to know everything about this girl. But most of all, I wanted to know why i did._

She paused for a moment, deliberating, and then looked at me. It felt like she was staring into my eyes, like she was staring right through me, i could feel her eyes on mine. She just stared for while, torturing me with her silent mind. Looking into them, i remembered how i couldn't stop thinking about them in Alaska, how i saw them in the stars and the snow and in the eyes of others. I somehow convinced myself it was because of her blood, but i had to admit, they were quite beautiful. But that didn't mean anything, she had nice eyes, anyone who didn't think she had nice eyes must be blind, not a big deal for me to think that. Alice still thought i had a crush on her, though it was far from that. No matter how much i admired Bella Swan, i still in the back of my head, blamed her for the ache in my throat, i knew it was wrong, but the monster within me, had a mind of it's own. She surprised me by rushing out her next words.

"My mother got remarried" she told me, seeming confused, for an unknown reason. I could portray her emotions, but her thoughts didn't always reflect them, another thing that irritated me.

"That doesn't sound so complex" I disagreed. I looked up and my heart swelled. The hurt look she was trying to hide behind indifference was plainly clear to my eyes. I knew divorce was hard, for anyone, let alone humans, human emotions are fragile, and i wanted to help her. i didn't want her to be sad.

"When did that happen?" i asked, sympathy now covering my curiosity. She kept her eyes on the desk, slightly slouched. It killed me that this was hurting her. No one like her should hurt.

"Last September"

"And you don't like him" That was usually the case when parents got remarried. The teenagers hate the guy their moms with. It would definitely be a reason to move out, but not across the country.

"No, Phil's fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough" she told me. Wrong again, Edward. Of course a part of me knew i would be. I might as well just stop guessing, it's not getting me anywhere.

"Why didn't you stay with them" I wondered. If there was nothing wrong with the guy, then why would she move? She obviously didn't like it here. I watched her, waiting for an answer to at least one of the many questions on my mind.

"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living" Baseball? I quite enjoyed baseball. My family and i played in this deserted clearing in the middle of the forest, during thunderstorms. I wondered if i had heard of him, or if Emmett had, he never missed a game, i knew because you could hear his booming cheers through the whole house. I'd have to ask him later.

"Have a heard of him?" I asked smiling at her.

"Probably not. He doesn't play well. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot"

He travels. Her mother must've sent her here so she could go with him. That would explain her unhappiness to be here. She didn't have a choice.

"And your mother sent you here so she could travel with him." I stated. She looked surprised by my assumption. Before answering she raised her chin a fraction as if stubbornly. Guess i was wrong. _Again._

" No, she did not send me here, I sent myself"

I tried to get my thoughts straight and put together the pieces of our conversation. She hated the weather, she didn't like the attention of being new, she didn't like Forks, but she _sent_ herself here? She hates being here, but she stays! For what, just to shove a burning iron down my throat every second she's near me. If she hates it so much. Why doesn't she leave. I composed myself before she could see my frustration, but my eyebrows were still knit together.

"I don't understand" I admitted. It wasn't like me to be confused, and let me tell you i did NOT like the feeling. I stared at her, trying to communicate with her how frustrating she was being.

She sighed and, thankfully, began her explanation.

"She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy... so i decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie."

Something i thought i'd never find. A selfless human. She made herself miserable, so her mother could be with the one she loved. That settled it, she _was_ different. She was selfless, and smart, and had nice looking eyes. Even in my time, that would be considered selfless, and everything was very adequate at that time.

"But now your unhappy?" I questioned, not believing someone could be so selfless at her age.

"And?" she challenged. Her tone made me smile. She didn't seem to notice how selfless she was being.

"That doesn't seem fair" I shrugged. She laughed, but her tone was humorless.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair."

I laughed, my whole life was unfair. Stuck in the same body all my life, dealing with my family's happiness, it screamed 'unfair'. She had no idea.

"I believe I have heard that somewhere before" I agreed. It surprised me that she had such an interesting background, a small town girl from Forks. Everyone here grew up here, everyone knew their neighbors and their neighbor's neighbors, and their neighbor's daughter's, cousin's girlfriend. Nobody was surprised any more in this town. I have heard many say "There are no secrets in Forks" everyone knew everything about everyone, anytime. Except for one huge exception. My family.

I looked back at the girl who has greatly interested me with her silent mind and her selfless character. The look on her face said there was more, but ti also said she wasn't planning on sharing.

"So that's all" she told me, sounding as if it was anyone's boring life story. She didn't know a thing about how much her face showed her emotions. I knew there was more behind the face of Bella Swan.

"You put on a good show" I told her, seeing through her cheery facade. Her fake smiles and laughter were so no one would worry about her. She hided her disgust of Forks from her father, so he could be happy without feeling guilty. Definitely the most selfless person i know, and ever will. I finished my thought.

"But i'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see." Of all people, i knew how hard it was to keep a mask up all day. To have to be someone else, instead of yourself, to make someone else happy. Mine may be life or death, but either way, it's one of the hardest things someone her age can do everyday. It's tiring.

I looked at her as i finished my accusation. Her face looked that of a two year old, trying hard not to stick their tongue out and put their nose up in the air stubbornly. She grimaced, and looked away, ignoring me. I was right, she knew it, but didn't want to admit it to me. I knew i would get on her nerves, but i had been trying for the last hour to get something right, and i wanted to be sure i was this time, and her childlike stubbornness was extremely endearing.

"Am i wrong?" I asked, doubtfully. I knew i was getting on her nerves, but i have to admit, talking to her made me strangely happy. Through our whole conversation, she was interesting i was able to ignore the burning in my throat. I mean it was always there, but i had something to distract myself with. I had a new strategy. And then i remembered my promise to myself. I wasn't going to talk to her after this. I couldn't she would learn too much. She would know i didn't hate her, and she wouldn't be suspicious. My job would be done, and i would go back to how it was before. The thought made my stomach ache and my cold heart fall through my chest, it wasn't because of her though, it couldn't be, because i didn't have feelings for her. She was different, that's all.

"I didn't think so" I muttered under my breath smugly, knowing i was finally right. That set her off.

"Why does it matter to you?" she said, sounding annoyed. The question, opened my eyes in a way. Why did it matter to me? The only question i had had that could not be answered for as long as i can remember. I didn't understand why it mattered to me.

"That's a very good question" I murmured under my breath. I heard her sigh and glare at the black board at the front of the room of students, still working on the questions we had finished a while ago. She was getting a look of annoyance on her face. It was quite funny that she was annoyed with me, while my throat was hot and scorching with thirst.

" Am i annoying you?" i asked her amused. As if i had NO problems with her, it seemed she was_ bothered_ by sitting beside me! The thought made me chuckle quietly.

She looked back at me, her face had returned to normal, her nice-looking big brown eyes had widened.

"Not exactly. I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read- my mother always calls me her open book." She frowned. So she didn't like being read. Well lucky for her, i couldn't.

"On the contrary, i find you very difficult to read" i told her truthfully, it might make me miserable, but it made her feel better. I saw a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips. She looked at me.

"You must be a good reader then" she replied.

"Usually"

I felt normal, talking with Bella. Almost human, the conversation wasn't awkward like it would be with other humans, it was free, it wasn't forced. I smiled at her, and thought about what my siblings would think if they saw me conversing with this girl. I was smiling, and laughing, it was nice. i hadn't felt happy in a while, and if i only had one day to talk to someone who was actually interesting to talk to, then i would take it, gladly.

As happy as i was at that moment, i had also ran out of breath, which was a problem, i could either stop talking, or take in more of her delicious scent. Both options were not ones i would choose. I slowly took a little of her scent into my lungs, and grabbed onto the table to stop myself, just in case. I was still of a sound mind, but the monster clawed further up my throat. Her scent was still just as appealing and i didn't expect it to get any less, ever. i just had to learn to keep myself in check, or at least appear that i was, for my family and the rest of the student body.

I stopped breathing in right before the bell rang, and though i didn't particularly want to, i knew i had to leave soon, before it got too unbearable. i rushed out of my seat as quickly as i had the first day, and didn't look back, but that doesn't mean i stopped listening. I know it was wrong to listen in on her conversation, but i would never talk to this girl again, how else was i supposed to understand that strange, silent mind of hers.

Bella watched me leave the classroom, and no longer than a few seconds later, Mike Newton, her little puppy dog, was by her side, walking her to gym class.

"That was awful" mike whined, referring to the biology assignment. His partner and him had troubles with the assignment, along with many others in the class. "They all looked exactly the same. You're lucky you had Cullen for a partner" he continued. I knew how that would go with Bella. Her face looked slightly appalled by his assumption, and so was i, i suppose. He assumed immediately that i had done all of the work, and that Bella was as empty minded as any other student in this school.

"I didn't have any trouble with it" she replied, shocked by his presumption. As the words escaped her mouth, her face filled with guilt at her remark. She explained that she had done this lab before, and he brightened instantly. And then his face turned to annoyance.

"Cullen seemed friendly enough today" he murmured, distastefully, as he shrugged his jacket over his shoulders.

"I wonder what was with him last Monday" Bella told him, walking towards building 6, trying a little too hard to seem indifferent. She was curious about me, i could see it in the way she raised one of her eyebrows in the slightest way, not possible for any human to notice.

"The Cullen family is very..."

"EDWARD!" Emmett yelled from behind me. I turned quickly to look at him, wondering as to why he was shouting at me from across the empty hallway. As he approached, he looked suspicious.

"I've been calling your name for 5 minutes! You'd think vampire hearing would help you hear when someones YELLING IN YOUR EAR" his voice raised at the end of his mini lecture.

I hadn't even heard him. Emmett waved me on to Calculus telling me i would be late if i didn't 'get a move on'. As i sat at my seat, i began to feel quite frustrated. Emmett had interrupted me, when Mike was about to say something. I began to think of the worst case scenarios.

_"The Cullen family is very old and creepy, never talk to him again"_

_"The Cullen family is very different, i think they're vampires"_

_"The Cullen family is very weird, i saw them drink deer's blood._

_"The Cullen family is very selfish. They think they're so perfect."_

_The Cullen family is very..."_

"Mr. Cullen" Mrs. Joilenta called on me expectantly, looking for the answer to a question, i had just picked out of her mind. This is where mind reading came in handy during school hours. I barely had to pay attention half the time. I answered correctly and after handing in my previous assignments she excused me from class. I wandered through the halls for 30 seconds and i got rather bored. I walked out to my Volvo and turned the dial on the radio. I rarely listened to the radio because this centuries music was utterly horrid. After a few seconds of listening to some British 45 year old trying to rap. I shut off the radio and listened to a new C.D Emmett had gotten me for my 'birthday' a few weeks ago. That would make him happy.

"What are you doing home so early?" Esme asked as i walked through the front door into the main room. School wasn't dismissed for another hour an a half.

"Mrs. Joilenta excused me early, today, I had completed all of my previous assignments" I told her. After a few seconds of comfortable but awkward silence, i marched toward the stairwell. I turned back to look at my mother.

"If you need me?"

"I know where you are" she smiled. I smiled back at her before proceeding up the stairs and into my sanctuary. I threw my bag onto my black desk in the corner of my very dark room, and fell onto my sofa, trying to wrap my head around what i was feeling. I felt light, and happy, and i have no idea what caused it. I could lay here and decide why, or i could just be happy for the first and maybe last time in a long while.

When i walked down the stairs, Esme was sitting cross legged on the leather couch in her design studio. She was wearing a off white t-shirt with light ruffles at the neckline, a dark brown cardigan and black flatts. She was leaning over her sketch book, when i knocked on the door.

"Esme?"

She looked up.

"Yes, dear?" she asked, uncrossing her legs and setting her book on the table beside her.

"I didn't mean to bother you, Esme. We can talk later if you'd like?" I told her, guilty for interrupting her work. She waved her hand.

"Edward it's fine. Don't worry about it. What would you like?" she asked me. I smiled and entered the room. She looked at me, confused. She raised her eyebrow.

"What?" I wondered why she was looking at me that way, yet i was still smiling and to be honest, it was starting to confuse me too.

"Somethings different." she smiled at me. "What's going on?" she asked knowingly. I laughed.

"I'm not entirely sure, actually. I'm happy though. I don't know why. That's the problem, but i figured instead of questioning it, i thought i should just be happy for once." I told her. I knew i could tell Esme anything, and if i lied, she would be able to tell anyway. So i always told the truth around her. She would get it out of me eventually anyway.

"You'll figure it out, Edward. I'm glad your happy, but think a little about what might be causing it. You'll be surprised what comes up. I'd guarantee it" she told me, and winked. Something gave me the idea that she knew why i was feeling so different, but she wouldn't tell me. But i figured that to be likely impossible. How would she know, if i didn't? It didn't make sense. A lot of things on my mind right now weren't making sense. It was new for me, because well, with my mind reading, i was always in control of what would happen next. Everything made sense. Where did it start being so complicated? Why? Why couldn't my life be boring and simple like it was a week ago. I liked this new feeling, of not knowing what is happening, it was sort of refreshing, but on the other hand, it was uneasy. How was i to know if it would be okay, or what it was, what was coming. I had no impact on the future, i didn't know what to do, because i didn't know what would happen with each wrong turn. I didn't know which way to go. Should i be happy that this feeling has given me a small taste of surprise and reality. That it has made me happy, actually happy, no fake smiles or laughs. Or should i be cautious as to what is to come.

I then realized what time it was. I had to go pick up my siblings from school, and they would not be happy i was late. I zoomed down the street revving the engine and going dangerously over the speed limit, though getting caught was not a problem. i parked in the space i had this morning and got out, leaning against the back of my Volvo. I saw Bella Swan come out of the front doors and steer towards her truck in haste to get to her warm dry truck, though i'd be surprised if the heater even worked in that piece of junk. I watched her check if it was okay to back out, she saw me staring at her. A look of some emotion crossed her face so fast i almost didn't see it. She swiftly turned away and threw her truck into reverse, almost crashing into Jarod's Toyota Corolla he had gotten just a few weeks ago. I started laughing, it was so Bella like. If anyone was going to run into a car in a parking lot, it was clumsy Bella Swan. Looking shocked, she backed out of her parking spot and passed my Volvo, looking out the window. Her face grew cold when she saw me laughing, which made me laugh harder.

My brothers and sisters approached the car shortly after my outburst of laughter. They picked up on my unusual cheery mood instantly, but didn't question me, for which i was thankful. We got back to the house and i marched upstairs to my room, i had some thinking to do.

I didn't know what was going on, or if anything was. Maybe i was just imagining all of this, but a small part of me hoped i wasn't. All i knew is that i had school tomorrow, and i was excited, but i wasn't going to worry about why. It wasn't worth spoiling my mood.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

I went hunting with my brothers. I figured it would make them happy if i was in a good mood for once while hunting, and i didn't know how long this happiness would last. I believe they noticed my change in my behavior. It was probably the funnest time i had had with my brothers in years. Last night i realized how much i loved Emmett and Jasper. It was nice to feel included, i always felt different from my brothers, but i couldn't help but realize, maybe i was hanging on a thread of happiness that could break any second, i could only hope it might last a little longer.

I jumped in my Volvo at 7:47 and waited for Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie to join me. When we arrived at the parking lot, my eyes immediately skimmed the parking lot for the 50 year old faded orange piece of rusted metal, instinctually. Bella hadn't come yet. There was no sight of her. As we parked my siblings jumped out of the car and split in pairs in different directions, but i didn't move. I waited. I wasn't going to admit to myself i was waiting for Bella. It seemed so ridiculous, and dangerous. I couldn't grow to like this girl, i had to hate her, like i did everyone else. That's what keeps them safe. I needed Bella to be safe.

I stepped out of my car and stood by the bumper leaning on the trunk of the Volvo. Alice must've seen i was going to do this because she still hadn't asked me what i was doing. I felt elated today. Excited in some way as i waited in the parking lot. It had become very icy last night, when the rain from yesterday froze over. Many students were crawling carefully over the ice as of not to slip and many people had had snow tires put on in preparation. Forks got pretty icy near the middle of winter. i knew because Carlisle was called everyday about an accident or injuries of some sort. I never had any trouble, but i had far past perfect eyesight and awareness.

I heard her truck from 3 blocks away, as the engine rumbled and the wheels squeaked against the ground. i could hear snow chains being dragged across the gravel and let out a breath i hadn't known i had been holding. As i was thinking about the icy roads, my thoughts had wandered to Bella. If she was clumsy now, what would happen if you added ice, it didn't sound good to me, and with that rusty old truck, it could not have snow tires. She pulled into the parking lot smoothly and parked on the other side of the parking lot. I watched her tumble out of her car with a confused look on her face and walked to the back of the car. her eyes lit when she saw the snow tires, and a strange look came on her face. It was almost endearing. She just stood there, staring at the tires, and i just stood there, wishing, so badly, that i could read her mind right now.

It happened too quickly, even with my vampire senses. it was too quick. Tyler Crowley drove into the parking lot too fast and his wheels hit ice. As the car began swirling uncontrollably, his face held nothing but terror, and so did mine. Because as the car swirled to it's destination, i saw a beautiful girl, eyes filled with pain and horror, fearfulness. Her eyes met mine, and i could see everything, everything she was and could be. She wasn't going to die today. She couldn't, i hadn't had enough time.

_Not her_.

**Authors note: I know it took me a while to put this chapter up. I just don't want to rush. I want this story to be as close as possible to how Edward may have felt. Thanks for reading. Review if you like the story. :)**


	5. Death of Me

Chapter 4

Within in 5 milliseconds, before i even knew what i was doing, i was there, beside Isabella Swan, watching the advancing Toyota, 10 metres away from crushing us. I pulled her out of the way and moved us as quick as i could, letting the end of the van hit the corner of her beat up truck. But of course, fate didn't want it to be that easy. The van ricocheted off her truck and spun once again, toward the girl i was now holding against me. Magnet. She was a magnet for trouble. Anything potentially dangerous within 4 miles of her would automatically find some way to put this wonderful girl into a life or death situation. Before i could stop myself, as self defense, i shoved out my arms and stopped the van. It left dents in the exterior and bounced off my hands sawing back and forth almost landing on Bella's legs. Holding up the giant van, i swung her legs with my free hand out of the way and let the car hit the ground, holding her surprisingly close to my body to make sure she was alright. She had to be alright. My heart ached at the possibility of her being hurt because of me.

The screams came shortly after, when everybody's mind actually caught up with the commotion. I looked down into Isabella's eyes, which were gazing at me curiously. She was okay. I let out a breath i had not realized i was holding. The tiny bit of her scent, instantly, woke the monster in me. It began clawing up my throat and tearing at my hunger, but i swallowed it back, i don't know how. Right now, Bella was more important. i had to be sure she was fine. No harm at all. I had heard her head smash on the pavement while i was protecting her from the car. I just begged to God that she didn't have a concussion.

I looked back into her eyes, that were smoldering into mine, questioning everything that had happened in the last 20 seconds. At that moment, my mind caught up with my actions, and i froze.

Exposure.

I had just ran, inhumanly fast to a girl on the other side of the parking lot, stopping a 3.5 tonne van with my bare hands, leaving dents in the side and not a scratch was seen on me. I exposed my whole family for what we are, in the short time of 6 seconds. I could see Carlisle's face now. The disappointment. Not to mention Esme. Rosalie and my siblings would be furious. I just ruined my entire family's life. I truly hated myself. I wanted to rip out my hair and throw myself off a cliff, though it wouldn't do me any good. All i could do right now was make sure Bella hadn't seen anything. As people crowded around, there was some suspicions of how i got there, but nothing to be really worried about. The only one i was concerned for, was Bella. She could've seen everything. She could be the one to expose us to the world.

I leaned into her ear so she could hear me over all the screaming.

"Bella are you alright" I asked her urgently. Oh God please, PLEASE let her be alright.

"I'm fine" she told me, wearily. Her voice was strained somehow, as if to convince herself of her statement. She began to sit up and pull away from the iron grip i had on her. But i wasn't ready yet. Her head hit the pavement pretty hard. I had no idea if she had a concussion. My body was tense in worry. Every inch of her was pressed up against my side. She was so warm. My skin was on fire, but it was pleasant. I was always cold, all the time. For one second, i felt warm again. She was so tiny, and warm. With her this close, i could try to ignore the scent of her blood to take in the strong scent of her strawberry shampoo. I didn't miss the fact that she fit perfectly in my arms.

She began to squirm again when i realized my top priority right now. Which was making sure Bella was safe. A funny thing to ask when she's being held, not centimeters away from a vampire.

"Be careful" I pleaded, trying to make it sound like a warning, instead of a desperate plea for her safety. "I think you hit your head pretty hard."

Once the words left my mouth, recognition filled her facial feature as she winced, her hand shot up to grab her head as if covering the damage would make it go away.

"Ow" she said softly, surprised.

"That's what i thought" i told her. Her face made me smile. Bella's nose was scrunched up, and her eyebrows were pulled together in this unbelievably cute way. She looked like a little kid, confused. My happiness didn't last for long.

I froze when it came. The light bulb that had began glowing in her head as she realized what had just occurred, right in front of her deep brown eyes. She had seen everything. It was my job to change her mind. Convince her that what she saw was crazy, even if it meant she would hate me, for the next three years. That is, however, if we do not leave before anyone guesses our identity. The thought of leaving saddened me, but i had to do what i could, to keep her out of the world that i lived in. She opened her mouth, and i waited for the words i was sure would come.

"How in the.." she tried to explain what just happened. "How did you get over here so fast?"

And there it was. A question that, no matter how much i hated lying to her, i could not answer truthfully. I took a deep breath, and prepared for the retort that was to come.

"I was standing right next to you Bella" i lied, looking right into her eyes, in hopes to confuse her. She tried to get up again, and i let her. I needed to breath again if i wanted to explain what happened was not what she saw. I moved as far away as i could from the space knowing it wouldn't help much at all. I took a quick breath, trying to get it over with as fast as possible. It was horrible. The fear was evident in her scent. It made it stronger. The small distance awakened my hunger. My nostrils flared and my eyes bulged out. I ducked my head down so she couldn't see it in my eyes. Squeezing my eyes shut, i shouted my first priority in my head over and over again. The monster didn't want to forget the scent. He didn't want to stop breathing and help her, and right now, he was trying as hard as he could. But i couldn't let him win. If i did, none of this would have had to happen. Why would i risk my entire family to save her, if i was going to kill her 2 minutes after. That thought weakened the need clawing up my throat enough to compose my expression and look back up at the girl.

The students and teachers finally got to us, trapped behind a van. There was a buzz of motion around us. Some were getting Tyler out of the van, some were trying to move the van, some were shouting Bella's name to make sure she was alright, and by the looks of it, she didn't notice anything. But i did.

My family stood across the parking lot. All with horrible expressions on their faces.

Jasper was furious, as was Rosalie.

Emmett was confused.

Alice was surprised, but somewhat understanding. Of what? I didn't know yet.

I looked at them, hoping to portray that what i did, i would take full responsibility for. My eyes snapped back to Bella when she tried to push herself up of the ground. I knew it wouldn't be a good idea for her to stand up when i still don't know if her head was okay. I lightly stopped her, telling her it would be best for her to stay put.

"But's it's cold" she whined. Of course, she trapped between a van and a vampire, her head smashed on the pavement, everyones screaming around us and i wanted to drink her blood, but she was uncomfortable because it was _cold._ The thought made me chuckle, despite my edgy mood.

"You were over there" she accused. I tensed again. Why couldn't she just let it go. I saved her life! "You were by your car!" she remembered.

How was i supposed to cover this up. She saw everything, what was i supposed to say? There was no sane way of explaining this situation. I realized suddenly, that denial was the only option i had left, and i could only hope it would work. Though it was highly unlikely that Bella Swan, stubborn as she is, would believe anything i said against her judgement. I could see it in her eyes, she was right, and she knew that i would try to convince her otherwise.

"No i wasn't" i said simply, trying to convey how desperate i was for her to go along with it. No such luck. She glared at me.

"I _saw_ you". I knew that was her way of saying. ' Don't try to pull that crap on me. I'm not stupid'.

I knew, no matter what i said, she wouldn't believe me, but for the sake of my family, i had to try to fix what i had done.

"Bella, i was standing with you, and i pulled you out of the way" I told her, looking her directly in the eye. I put every ounce of persuasion in that stare, trying to use the ability, i would use on prey. It was low, but i had no other choice. It worked for a second, too. Her eyes went blank, and she looked as if she was caught and couldn't move. The effect we wanted animals to feel, before we fed on them, but she quickly came back to the confident glare, that was getting more furious by the second.

"No" she growled. She was angry at me, well so was i, but she had no reason to be angry with me. She knew she was right. She knew that i had run across a parking lot and jumped in front of a moving van to save her, but did she ever think, that I _ran_ ACROSS a parking lot and _jumped_ INFRONT of a MOVING VAN to _save_ HER. She hadn't even said thank you. She hadn't given time to stop arguing with me. My eyes scorched in anger. She expected me to tell her how i saved her life. Because saving her life wasn't enough right? I scoffed, noiselessly. I didn't owe her anything.

All i could do now, was put this off until later.

"Please, Bella" i asked.

"Why?" she demanded. I felt bad for my behavior earlier. I knew i had a reason to be mad. But she was just confused. She had almost got hit by a van, and she wanted to know how she avoided it. I would do the same thing.

"Trust me" I pleaded with her. I knew i was completely horrible to ask her that. 'Yah Bella, trust the vampire that wants to drain you dry, and take away your, life your soul and everything else beautiful about you'

"Will you promise to explain everything to me later." she pushed.

I couldn't tell her everything. Of course not, that would be the last thing i would do, but of course, i couldn't tell her that. I had to convince her that nothing out of the ordinary happened. She'd probably forget before she had time to ask me anyway.

"Fine" i snapped, a little annoyed by her constant curiosity. No one else cared about what we did, why did she. Why couldn't she just ignore us like everyone else did?

I could've lifted the van in 5 seconds but obviously not with every watching eye of Forks High School. Bella and I, angry as we were, sat there watching everyone panic and ask her if she was okay, and waited 20 minutes for 8 people to lift the vehicle, and move it out far enough for us to leave the accident zone.

I stood up instantly as Bella was walked over to a stretcher, against her will.

"I'm fine" she kept telling them, but i insisted that she had hit her head on the pavement. She glared at me, as they put a neck brace on her. She was beat red with embarrassment when they loaded her into the ambulance. I looked back at my family, and, coward that i was, decided to face them later. Carlisle would definitely have a few questions if Bella Swan came into the hospital with no sign of me around. I walked over to one of the police.

" Ah, Mr. Cullen. I see you declined a stretcher, but i'm sorry, you still must be checked out for any infections or cuts. Very quickly, i assure you."

Of course. I knew i had no scratches on me. It was almost laughable that a car could damage the rock hard skin of a vampire, but they didn't know that. I smiled, softly.

"Of course officer." I said politely. "may i please ride in the front. I'd like to talk to one of the doctors about Ms. Swan's head injury. I am the only one who witnessed it and would like to be reassured that she will be checked thoroughly for a concussion." I told him. I knew how to gain the respect of anyone. It was part of our kind's draw. I stared him down, trying to convey that i was not budging on this.

He nodded. "Of course, Edward. I'm sure your father would want to make sure you are alright. You will check in with him when you arrive?"

"Yes" I told him. He nodded and i walked away. I could feel almost all of the eyes in the school on me as i walked slowly toward the large white van with the beautiful girl in the back. I saw Bella, laying there looking furious with me. She hated the attention she was getting, and i was the reason she had it.

It was impossibly hard to stay mad at her for long. Her eyes, mad as they were, were so innocent and worried, i felt bad for her. Chief Swan had arrived a few minutes ago in a police car, making the humiliation that much stronger. I climbed into the front seat of the vehicle, wishing i could see Bella from here. I always felt uneasy when i could see her. Interpret her emotions, watch her smile, hear her laugh. Some deep hidden emotion brought itself to my mind. Something that was attracting me toward the girl not 2 metres away from me. I felt like i wanted to be with her, all the time. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh, and smile. I wanted to watch her eyes light up when she organised that silent mind of hers.

I had no idea what this meant.

I jumped out of the ambulance probably a little too fast and walked into the hospital to the 3rd floor where my fathers office was. I came upon the large wooden door with a small black plate reading "Dr. C Cullen", and waited.

"Come in" My fathers voice said from the other side of the door. I reached for the doorknob and quickly opened the door, bursting into the room.

"Bella's here" I said, realizing i might as well just put it out in the open. I wanted him to check on her as soon as possible. His head shot up and stared in my eyes.

_Did you...?_

"NO! No, of course not. No. She almost got hit by Tyler Crowley's van. He's here too. You can check on him too, he's got a few scars, doesn't look very good. Bella might have a concussion though she kept saying she was fi..."

"What did you do Edward?" He asked me seriously, probably tired of my small talk.

"I saved her" i told him, bowing my head in shame. His eyes flashed to mine once again, lighting up as if it was a good thing. He didn't know the whole story yet.

"Well that's good son. You saved a human being. Whatever is wrong?" he asked.

"I saved her... by pushing the van away, after running across the parking lot to push her out of the way. I don't know what happened, Carlisle, i swear. I was at my car, and not one second later i was across the parking lot. I didn't even tell myself to go over there, it just kind of happened. I'm sorry Carlisle, i put the whole family in danger for a girl. The students at school didn't see anything, but she did, Carlisle. She saw everything!"

I sat down and pulled my hair, frustrated. I hadn't looked at Carlisle since i had began my explanation.

"Edward, we must convince the girl, she did not see. How likely is it that she has a concussion?" he asked me.

"I'm not sure, she seemed fine, but she hit her head on the pavement fairly hard." I told him sincerely.

"And she's very stubborn. She is not going to let anyone tell her she's wrong." He nodded. he stood up and walked over to me, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Edward i am not disappointed in you. You saved a human life, no matter in what way. We will talk about the possible consequences at home though, i'm fairly positive some of the _other_ family members will not be pleased."

I had no idea what was coming for me when i got home, but i knew it wasn't good. Furious Rosalie was the most of my worries. She was one to hold a grudge, which wasn't a big deal, but she was also one for revenge. I looked at Carlisle and then to the side of the hospital where Bella was. Apparently Carlisle got the hint.

"Go" he told me, rolling his eyes. I don't know what it was, but i needed to make sure she was still okay. As i walked toward her room, i felt a familiar pull. Something in my conscience telling me to walk faster. I recognized it from somewhere. I felt the same pull before, about 2 weeks ago in the meadow, when i ran towards the highway to find nothing but a police car passing by. I shook off the feeling and continued walking down the hall.

I heard her heartbeat from 12 doors away away, and i heard Tyler apologizing to her. The scent hit me ten fold once again when i entered the room. I was starting to question if it would ever get easier. If her scent would always make my fist clench and my nostrils flare. I barely smelt Tyler's blood even though it was open and out of his skin, it didn't even irk me compared to Bella's. Why did it have to be_ her_? The only person i had ever wanted to get to know, and talk to, i couldn't without risking her life. Why couldn't it be one of the 17 year old minded girls that i wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

What i saw when i walked in quickly distracted me from the taunting scent and made me laugh quietly to myself. Tyler stared at Bella mumbling sincere apologies over and over again while Bella lay there on the bed with her eyes closed and an annoyed look on her face. She had obviously been trying to stop Tyler's constant remorses. I walked in dragging my feet like a human would to make my presence known. Tyler didn't notice until i had stopped at the foot of Bella's bed.

"Is she sleeping?" I turned to him, wondering how tired she really was. It might help with the concussion story. When i spoke i heard her heartbeat quicken whether in anger or annoyance and her eyes snapped open finding me at the end of the hospital bed. I smirked as she glared at me. The wrinkles formed between her eyebrows in her angry expression made my fingers twitch, wanting to smoothen her skin with my hand. My memory flashed back to how warm she was and how perfect it felt when i held her in the parking lot. I began to lose my thoughts as i looked into her eyes and she stared back into mine. Her glare faltered and my mind reached in to the brick wall that was shielding her mind.

"Hey, Edward i'm really sorry-" Tyler's voice wake me up. I put my hand up to stop his guilt. I was not going to sit here and hear him talk about how it was his fault for the next 20 minutes like Isabella had to.

"No blood, no foul" I told him. I smiled widely at my inside joke. A light bulb went off in my head. A cover up story. I'll tell you the truth, i don't know why i HAD to save her from the car, but i couldn't tell my family that. If Bella was hit by the car, and her blood had spilled everywhere, that would be it. No one would stop me from drinking her blood in front of the whole school, uncovering our secret to 367 students plus the teachers. I saved her and saved 367 students from the terrible image of a creature that would haunt their nightmares for the rest of my life, only Bella saw, and that was easily dealt with. The plan was completely plausible, and probably deep inside that's what i was thinking, and it was good enough to hold off my family until i realized the _real_ reason.

I walked over to Tyler's bed and sat on the edge of it, facing Bella and smiling again at her expression.

"So, what's the verdict?" I asked her, wondering what i had missed while i talked with my father. I watched her expression become annoyed again but not with me.

" There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go" she complained. "Why aren't you strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?" she accused, crossing her arms and faintly pouting out her bottom lip. My eyes snapped to her lips and they drew me in. What was going on with me. I've never felt this confusing emotion before, though ever since Bella had showed up, i hadn't felt a lot of things before. I brought my thoughts back to the current conversation before i thought too much of my crazy mind.

"It's all about who you know." I told her.

I heard Carlisle's mind coming towards the room she and Tyler were placed in. He began to warn me in his thoughts.

_Edward, her x-rays are great. No sign of a concussion. I don't know what you plan to do now, but you have to convince her she's wrong. Or at least convince her not to say anything, though i don't think that last one would work out very well._

Great. Her X rays were fine. I had to think of a plan B. I turned to Bella and prepared her for my father's arrival.

"But, don't worry, i came to spring you" I continued. Her face was confused for seconds before her gaze snapped over my left shoulder. Her large brown eyes widened and her pink lips opened as her jaw drop. Carlisle chuckled softly, too low for humans to hear. I smiled at him.

_I think she sees the resemblance, Edward. And you're right she is quite beautiful._

I smiled and nodded without thinking before realizing what he had just said. How did he know that i thought she was nice-looking. I jerked my head towards him and raised my eyebrows, questioning. He just gave me a look and turned his gaze to Bella, who had composed herself but still held shock on those beautiful features of hers. I saw her look quickly from me to Carlisle and back. I smiled, slightly at her. it seems i was almost always smiling around her, and i loved every minute of it. I saw Carlisle look at me from the corner of my eye and grin at me, as i watched Bella.

Carlisle woke her out of shock with a question she had been asked hundreds of times in the last hour.

"So, Ms. Swan, how are you feeling?" she replied quickly as if she expected the question.

"I'm fine"

_Haha. I think she is getting annoyed with the attention._

I nodded and watched him walk over and reach over Bella to turn on the lightboard above her. He told her how her X-rays went.

She glared at me again when Carlisle told her i had claimed she hit her head quite hard. Thanks a lot Carlisle.

He walked up close to Bella and began probing her head for any sensitivity due to head damage. She winced when my father pushed lightly on the left side of her head just above her ear.

"Tender?"

"Not really" She told him, not wanting to appear weak. I chuckled. That's something i liked about Bella. She had so much courage. She didn't like all the attention she was getting, and she didn't like when people worried about her. Even if i did hurt, she would insist it was no big deal. but that was what scared me. What if she was just saying she was fine when she actually wasn't. They would let her out of the hospital and we wouldn't be sure that she would be okay. That worried me, way more than ti should, i mean we weren't even friends. the irritating tug at my cold unbeating heart came back momentarily, before i pushed it back not wanting to feel it anymore. But it wouldn't go away, it just faded into the background as i looked at Bella, seeing with my own eyes that she was perfectly fine.

_Yup just as i thought, son, she's perfectly fine._

"Well your father is in the waiting room- you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all." he told her.

"Can't i go back to school?"

Once again i laughed silently. Bella Swan- the only girl in the world that would not jump at the chance of 2 hours off school.

I was about to tell her that she should rest to make sure that she was completely and totally healthy. She could still be in shock. Carlisle interrupted me before i could.

"Maybe you should take it easy today" he urged.

Bella frowned and looked at me, displeased.

"Does _he_ get to go to school?" Haha. She obviously was _not_ in a very good mood with me today. Which was quite hilarious to think about since i _did_ save her life this morning. And i still had not gotten a 'thank you'.

"Someone has to spread the news that we survived" I answered her smugly." She rolled her eyes. My father jumped in.

"Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room." he told her.

Bella's face turned beat red before he was even finished talking. The blood ran to her cheeks and down her neck, where the blood pulsed through her body waiting to be... I coughed loudly trying to get out of my sick, horrible, murderous imagination. I looked back at Bella holding her head in her hands, in mrotification.

"Do you want to stay?" he asked doubtfully knowing how irritated she had been with being here against her judgement. That shook Bella out of her embarrassment. You could tell she would spend not a second more than needed here. She shot up out of the bed and swung her legs over to the side standing up unsteadily and rocking over. My fingers twitched wanting to steady her but knowing that would not be a great idea due to my state of mind not 20 seconds ago. Carlisle grabbed her elbow quickly holding her up for a few seconds while she regained her balance. My fathers eyebrows pulled together in concern. So did mine. So she _wasn't_ as 'fine' as she claimed.

"I'm fine" her weak voice said as her eyes stared at the ground,

"Take some Tylenol for the pain" Carlisle told her.

"It doesn't hurt that bad."

_This is your last chance on the easy way out Edward._ He told me. I saw his plan.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky" he told her, flashing a quick warning glance to me. I winked at him and he smiled,l turning back to his clipboard, looking over Tyler's injuries.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me" she told him, glaring at me.

There was two ways to interpret that. She wasn't going to tell anyone that i wasn't there. But she wasn't going to tell them i was, without the undertone of lie in her voice.

"Oh, well yes" Carlisle said. He quickly turned back to his papers.

_Yup. Exactly what i thought. Good luck with that Edward._

"Gee thanks for the help" I grumbled, too low for Bella to hear.

Pretending he didn't hear me, he walked over to Tyler and informed him of his injuries.

Bella quickly moved to my side as soon as my fathers attention was otherwise occupied.

"Can i talk to you for a minute?" She hissed at me. Her breath fell across my face and filled my nostrils. I took a step back in warning. This close proximity is not safe for her right now. I haven't gained full control from a few minutes ago. Why did she need to talk anyway. I saved her life, jumped infront of a van for her, and she's patronizing me as if i did something wrong!

"Your father is waiting for you" I informed, hoping she would get the hint. Did she not have any self preservation. That thing in the back of a humans mind that warned them to stay away from us. But she wouldn't budge.

"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind."

I MIND! I screamed in my head.

_Edward, go. She's not going t let you out of it. It either you have the conversation here, just the two of you, or at school where more people may here you. Just convince her that it is best not to tell anybody._

I glared at Bella and turned to walk down the almost empty hallway. I heard her feet shuffle behind me trying to keep up. I suppose i was walking too fast to be considered _normal _pace.

I was going to make this talk as fast and short as possible.

"What do you want?" I asked her, a little too harsh. She was taken aback by my tone. Momentary guilt flashed through me before i remembered my purpose here, Protect Bella from my world, and protect my family from exposure.

"You owe me an explanation" she reminded me in a low, intimidated voice.

"I saved your life-I don't know you anything"

She flinched.

"You promised" she told me. The devastation in her eyes made me want to cry, if it was possible. she was like a little girl being beat up by a bully. I hated myself for doing this. I hated myself for making her sad, i wanted to make her happy, but there was more important things. Bella and I could not be friends, she would just get hurt. If she's mad at me, maybe she'll hate me-gulp- and maybe she won't want anything to do with me.

I closed my eyes momentarily to break myself out of the emotion i was feeling. The cold eyes were back when i opened them again.

"Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about"

Her eyes flashed with anger.

"There's nothing wrong with my head!" She spit out, as if she was screaming.

I glared at her.

"What do you want from me, Bella?"

Bella looked around quickly as if to make sure no one was listening.

"I want to know the truth" Yah right. _Hey Bella, I'm a vampire. That's how i saved you._ Not going to happen.

"I want to know why i'm lying for you"

I needed to know how much she saw, to determine how i could get myself out of this. I might be able to blame it on an adrenaline rush or something.

"What do you think happened?" I retorted.

She looked as if she didn't want to say. Probably because in context, it would sound like a mental person, but i could use that to my advantage. I smirked at her, which just made her more angry, and everything poured out. _Everything._

"All i know is that you weren't anywhere near me- Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me i hit my head too hard. The van was going to crush us both- and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it- and you left a dent in the other car, and your not hurt at all- and the van should've smashed my legs, but you were holding it up..." Her voice was so desperate and confused, and for the first time. I wanted to tell someone the truth, i wanted to tell her. But i couldn't.

This would be harder then i thought. She knew every single detail, there was no getting around this, and no changing her mind. I had to go with option B.

"You think i lifted a van off you?" I chuckled incredulously, questioning her sanity. It didn't work. She nodded curtly and stared at me.

"Nobody will believe that, you know" I told her, hoping it would convince her not to speak a word of it. People would think she was a lunatic, but it would get them thinking, and researching, and looking more closely, and that was not good.

"I'm not going to tell anybody" She told me.

THEN WHAT WAS THIS FOR! Why did this girl need to know what happened if it was of no use to her.

"Then why does it matter, i asked her curious. I wasn't playing a part anymore. I was actually curious as to why it mattered so much.

"It matters to me-" she said "I don't like to lie- so there'd better be a good reason why i'm doing.

_"But Bella there is a good reason. Please believe me, i want to tell you, but i can't. I'ts for your own safety!"_

I tried something more, demanding.

"Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you" she spat, insincerely, though i expected nothing less with my behaviour.

"Your not going to let it go, are you?" I asked her. She would always keep this in her mind. She would always antagonize me until i spilt, but i wouldn't.

"No" she told me truthfully. 'Course not.

"In that case... I hope you enjoy dissapointment"

We scowled at each other in silence. Her eyes were so wide and helpless i almost got lost in them. This beautiful sweet girl was being treated like nothing by me. I wish i could cry out how much i wished i didn't have to lie. And how important it was that she not be in my world. But i would never regret saving her. I don't know what would've happened if she had died because of something i could've prevented.

"Why did you even bother?" she asked. Her voice wavered. It sounded so sad. As i looked in her eyes the glistened. My heart tore open a little farther when i realized she was almost crying.

I had finally recieved a question from her i was able to answer truthfully, though the answer was not the one i wanted.

"I don't know"

I didn't mean for it to sound rude. It was completely truthful. I had no idea why i saved her. All the looks i had gotten from my family hadn't mattered when i lay there under a van with the girl, it only mattered the she was safe.

I knew i had saved her for a reason. And Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper knew before i figured it out for myself.

Bella Swan, you will be the death of me.

**Sorry this chapter took so long. I just finished exams and all of my time went to studying. This is my longest chapter so it took forever to finish. I hope you like it, Edward's beginning to figure out that he loves Bella. All characters, chapters, quotes plots and ideas came from Stephenie Meyer, brilliant as she is.**


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